Sunday, 1 April 2012

The Thin 'Bread' Line!

For the first time in many years, war had broken out over the breakfast table at 'Awdry Towers'. The origins are lost in the mists of time, but as of late, a coalition of enemy forces have placed a severe strain on the forces of righteousness. With their backs against the condiments, only a hand-full of troops stood between them and utter destruction. These troops would go down in history as.... 'The Thin Bread Line'.

In these days of enforced austerity this most wholesome hobby of ours can prove a little restrictive on the old wallet.  It was this very thought that saw the 'Provost Marshal' and myself mull over some ideas for an inexpensive, yet versatile alternative to white metal; we share our findings today, of all days, and the solution was wonderfully simple... toast soldiers!


Provided that they are properly prepared, toast soldiers are very responsive to the brush.  


Although there are many different brands on the market, these are just a few that we found that gave a good, even covering.


It didn't take long before a fully assembled unit was ready for action...


a visit from the 'Big Cheese' boosted morale.


Before long our thoughts turned to gaming and in readiness an 'Objective Marker' was hastily constructed.


This was complimented by a 'Casualty Marker'. (raspberry jam & spaghetti)


So it was that we found ourselves joined in battle.  With the 'Provost Marshal' favouring all things Napoleonic it was perhaps not unsurprising that the 'Thin Bread Line's' first opponents were the French.  The line held firm after the initial bombardment from the French artillery, however...


the strength of their attack could only be described as "overwhelming".


Delighted with how versatile our new troops were proving to be we decided to employ them in other theatres of operation where they were to be more that a match for the Italians, who were beaten back by a bayonet charge leaving them well sliced up!


The 'Line' also stood firm against a very strong 'Army of Chilli'...


was resolute in the face of the advancing 'Mandarins' but ...


a final attack was launched by an enemy in overwhelming strength - there were literally 'Hundreds and Thousands' of them! 



The victory celebrations of the two allied commanders was shattered by the arrival of the Saintly Mrs. Awdry, whose broadcast to the relieved nation consisted of just five powerful words - "Stop playing with your food!".

So there we have it, the answer to all our financial woes, a 'Thin Bread Line!'  I should add a huge vote of thanks to my partner in crime, the 'Provost Marshal' and add also the observation that not only are toast soldiers wonderfully versatile, but they are also a joy to convert too!  So with a little 'bling' and a Vegemite mohawk I leave you with these parting words from the one and only, 'B.A. Baracus'...



“I Pity the April Fool!”



29 comments:

  1. Great fun! :)
    But the Vegemite scares me ;)

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    Replies
    1. I guess you 'either love it or you hate it', or was that another yeast based product? ;)

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  2. I had a little tear forming in my eye, at the sight of our national spread, Vegemite!

    Nice post.

    Frank
    http://adventuresinlead.blogspot.com.au/

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  3. I love the casualty figure! lol

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  4. Some people clearly have far too much spare time on their hands! Absolutly brilliant Michael. Really enjoyed reading this. I would have to recommend Marmite over Vegemite though!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Rodger, just couldn't resist doing something a bit silly for today!

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  5. Very cute, Michael!

    But don't listen to the wafflings (geddit?; waffle!) of a Kiwi; everyone knows they have no taste when it comes to breakfast spreads! ;-)

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    1. Now Gentlemen please, there will be no more falling out over the breakfast table! ;)

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  6. Michael fantastic stuff, now if your could do the same with fruit and vegatables I might just get the kids to acheive 5 a day.... :-)
    Cracking post.
    Cheers
    Stu

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    Replies
    1. Stuart what a great idea! the thin 'Breadfruit' line! I suppose there is always next year!

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  7. very funny - a great April fool day post

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Dave; a bit much just to squeeze the B.A. punchline in, but hugely entertaining!

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  8. A toast to silly posts!!! :-D
    If the bread soldiers "spread" themselves out and go crackers, they would defeat the 100´s and 1000´s easily..it´d be a piece of cake for them.
    Cheers
    Paul

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    Replies
    1. 'Crumbs' you're far too quick Paul! ;-)

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  9. I Toast your Post. Marvellous

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  10. I Toast Your Post. Marvellous

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  11. LOL great post and very amusing.

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  12. Thanks to one and all and especially my good friend the 'Provost Marshal' who, when he finally finished questioning my sanity, got stuck right dreaming up all manner of scenarios and ended up penning many of the puns!

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  13. LOl!! Very, very good!!!!! Nice brushwork!

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  14. Very original post! ;-)

    One thing. I hope she shouted: "stop playing with MY food" and not what you have written??? I would have taken her food to make this very nice post! :-D

    Greetings
    Peter
    http://peterscave.blogspot.com/

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  15. Brilliant, but now my daughter wants all her toast soldiers to be shaped like that!

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  16. I like the cut of your jib young un. Very very funny.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Sir, you are most kind; welcome aboard!

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